December/2004: Personal Ramblings - So an undisclosed amount of time ago in 2004 (My blog is the only blog on the internet which operates under a time delay. Most things I talk about which involve things I do usually have happened quite some time ago) I visited New York City with the woman you know as Harvey. I myself had never gone past Nevada. And the only time I was in Nevada, I was around twelve and never got outside of my hotel room. I know I watched a movie, but I can't remember what it was. I'm pretty sure it was an action movie. Tell your friends.

In Oregon, if you're poor... you make that one trip to Disneyland/Six Flags. So we did that when I was ten or twelve, probably ten. Of course if you're down in LA, you might as well loop back through Nevada to Oregon. So we stayed there for one night. Then I came back. that was as far East Coast I had travelled until I got the opportunity to visit New York City.

Of course, it wasn't a vacation, it was work. And it wasn't work we got paid for. So I guess it's a hobby. But the trip was free and I got to hang out with Harvey, whom I had never met before, so that's more than enough payment. Originally I was supposed to have about twenty four hours in New York. The problem was that my flight was delayed two hours here in Portland. Why? Because the pilots were late. No, not because of mechanical, nor because of weather... the pilots had simply overslept and were late. They actually announced this to us. "The pilots are late." Once they arrived, they then had to run diagnostics. This did not bode well for my expectations of their flying ability.

And yes, we hit the ground very hard at my connecting destination. The connecting destination sucked as well. For you see, I missed my connecting flight. Having never needed to fly with a connecting flight, I was totally unaware of what to do. Once I found some help, they immediately announced a delay of two hours because "There are too many planes flying into the" airport in New York I was destined to land at. So... we wait. They do maintenance. Then they have the great idea to herd us all on the plane to sit on the ramp in 90 degree weather for two hours.

I was less than thrilled.

I left my place in Portland to go to the airport at around Five AM PST. I got into New York at roughly 12:24 AM EST. Yes, I was less than pleased, really. This cut down my time in New York to less than... that's right, 20 hours since I was delayed well over five hours. Yep, less than thrilled. Futher compounding the problem is that the airline carrier I was on didn't have powerplugs... meaning I couldn't plug in the laptop, which charge had already been exhausted. Thankfully, the airlines all have their little magazine. I read that magazine three times. Wasn't too great.

All that bitching though, and it was worth it. New York is New York. You can't call it anything else. I had ten major goals in New York.

1. Have fun with Harv.
2. Do the work I was supposed to do.
3. Observe someone yelling at someone else.
4. Witness illegal activity.
5. Talk to mouthy people with a New York accent who would be mouthy.
6. Eat at fast food.
7. See Times Square.
8. NOT act like a tourist.
9. Watch a movie on the laptop.
10. Overall, have a good time.

I am happy to report that I completed all ten tasks. Having fun with Harv was easy, since she and I got along swimmingly. The best part about the last sentence is that doing so required no swimming. Trust me folks, I'll be here all week. Doing the work I was supposed to do was quite easy as well. Since I was supposed to do it and couldn't get out of it since they were my only means of transportation. Which is funny, since they went way overboard (Not that I don't appreciate it baby, ring a ding ding) with the accomodations.

I mean, I step off the plane and there's this little guy holding a sign with my name. That's cool. That's a major goal in life, to be one of those people just once. I've hit that milestone, now I can move on. That's accomodating enough. But then, I find out that it's a limo. It's a freakin' limo. For me to go from the airport to the hotel. That's goofy. I'm not a limo guy. I don't even know how to be a limo guy. Feels so weird. You've got this poor guy up front driving, which is just not fun, and there you are with plush leather couches. The whole time I just really wanted to go sit up in the passenger seat and pretend I was supposed to be there. The best part about the limo though, was the driver. This guy has been driving for years, and he's got a really thick New York accent. So he's used to driving around pricks.

This guy I knew I could get along with. So I go sit up by the window to talk to him, figuring I can get some dirt on who the pricks are. Shit, this guy had all the stuff. I could tell he appreciated that, and the fact that I curse quite often. He liked to curse too, so we cursed together. I mean, really... why should I act snooty just because he's the driver? He makes more money than me. I think I'm probably one of the few people who have ridden in a limo where the driver makes about 10 times what you make. In a sane world, we would have swapped places.

So he's telling me all this stuff about people who have ridden in his limo. Which is cool, these guys have great stories and if you're just a regular person to them ( And who the fuck am I if not a regular fucking schmuck?) they'll open up to you. He told me some pricky stories about Richard Gere that were just great. To even recount them wouldn't do the stories justice because you gotta hear this dyed-in-the-wool New Yorker with requiste accent telling those stories. Can't be beat. And he went on a curse-filled rant about his old job driving people to the Ricki Lake show and how he wouldn't even hold up the sign because he could tell who they were just by standing there and looking. Always mutants.

You can't buy culture like that.

I was proud to out-curse him too. He had me on the "shitheads" but I more than made up on it with variations of El F-Bomb. Got to the hotel, which was way too swanky. The problem with the hotel were that the fucking pillows were terrible. It's this rich expensive hotel, beautiful place... and you put your head into the pillows thinking, "geez, they can put televisions in the fucking ELEVATOR... these should be some fucking quality pillows!" Then you lay that head into them and you feel like you're going to suffocate. YOU CAN'T AFFORD FEATHERS OR STUFFING? In fact fuck it, YOU... HILTON... CANNOT AFFORD FUCKING FEATHERS? WHAT? FEATHERS! There's a fucking cable television built into the wall of every elevator, but the fucking pillows feel like they're made of foam. I had two pillows and nothing. Just nothing. No support. Fucking christ. So rather than sleep, I stayed up with Harv telling obnoxious jokes in-between random 1-5 AM jaunts in Times Square.

That's when we accomplished numero quatro. Nothing like being asked if you want drugs by three different people. First guy is a homeless guy with a fucking helium can. He was selling fucking Helium in front of Hard Rock Cafe. Later, we see this guy and he's got no Helium. I honestly admired that, I mean, how many people don't even want to get up to go to a desk job... and here's this guy hustling balloon air at two AM in the goddamn night in the middle of Times Square. That's a hard worker. The other drug dealers weren't nearly as interesting. One asked if we wanted to party (Answer = No... ever) and another was so blase that what he did slips my mind. Bottom line: We got offered drugs walking around Times Square. That's America, bitch.

Number three took care of itself rather quickly as well. Harv and I are jaunting up the street and we observe a firetruck, lights on, trying to save some people. You know, good firefighters, not that asshole Ryan Hogan. He's right to take a right, and there's just this little yellow cab... sitting there... doing nothing. I've seen this here in Portland, but the Portland fire department can't match New Yorks. Out of nowhere, this Italian Firefighter gets on a loudspeaker and yells "HEY CABBIE! MOVE! MOVE CAB!" Hell, that took care of goal three in grand and glorious fashion. Harv and I cracked up, of course. It was great. We hit up a two-story Sbarro (Here in Portland, Sbarro is only at the malls... not two damn stories) which completed fast food. Thankfully, we'd have time to complete another fast food run too, due to some shenanigans that happened later on.

The best thing about hanging out with Harv is just how easy she is... to hang out with. Of course. She's just like me. We're not tourists. We don't want to see the Statue of Liberty. Nor do we want to go to a Broadway show. We just want to walk around and pretend we're New Yorkers. No fancy foods, no lavish entertainment other than the surroundings of the city itself. That was perfectly aligned with me. Additionally, she and I are scary similar. Like the same movies, the same music, the same comic books... yes, comic books. Harv is such an uber-female that she enjoys comic books. We sat around for three hours reading comic books at one point. Ridiculously cool and fun. We also hit up ice cream and McDonalds. When you're hanging out with a female that suggests McDonalds and reading comic books, you're pretty much made. Let alone being in New York. So that being pretty much my major reason for wanting to go so badly worked out well. It made the problems at the airports worth it. I did my voices, she did her voices, and we had fun.

We were supposed to be ready to go do the "work" about Nine AM. Remember, I got in at midnight. We, being the irresponsible twentysomethings we are, stayed up until about Eight AM. That gave us about an hour before we went and did work. I'll go more into the work at a later date. Suffice to say, some stuff happened and we ended up scoring another 24 hours in New York and a new hotel. The new hotel had good pillows, which I'm sure you were really wondering about. We watched a movie on the laptop, got some soda, and caught up on our damn sleeping. And wandered Times Square some more. However, most of our time was spent brainstorming new ideas for PeeJ, which resulted in Human Shields, Most Active Perverts and a few other additions to the website. Fortune was definitely shining upon me though, as soemtimes the Christians really pull for you. We're walking around Times Square and some crazy lady with an agenda spots Harv, walks over, and hands her a pamphlet letting her know that god really wants her to be straight, and that she should find a man to marry. I feel that I have one impeccable gaydar, but that crazy Christian put my gay-detection system to shame. Remember, she didn't hand me a pamphlet, just Harv. I really didn't think it was that obvious, but crazy pamphlet lady had it going on.

Really a fun time, one of the most fun times I've had in the last several years.

I departed early for the airport the next day, which resulted in the mouthy person with a New York accent who was mouthy.

The car service picks me up, and I get another great driver. No limo this time, thank god. This guy is about 40 or so, dyed in the wool New Yorker. He knew what my work there was, so he asked me about it. The guy was classic. He couldn't believe there were pedophiles online. I started telling him about PeeJ, about the New York group media bust, and he was just dumbfounded. He kept repeating that he had girls that age and that they have computers in their room. I guarantee those computers were moved later that night. The highlight of him was easily telling him what the West Coast was like. Look, I love Oregon. I love the weather here. I love the weather in California. It's really great. But the people are atrocious. So I told him, just as I'll tell you, what makes the people so atrocious. In New York, they just tell you what they think. Someone thinks someone is an asshole? You tell him that he's an asshole. I like that. That appeals to me. Here in Oregon... people will think you're an asshole and then never mention it. They'll just snipe you behind your back. It's just not a proper way to be. The driver understood that, and got really pissed off at the idea of the West Coast being like that. "Hey, if imma think youse an asshole, I just tellthaguy he's an asshole and then y'know, we're friends. I can't believe that shit is like that outta there."

Ain't that the truth, brutha.

The flight back was nice. Managed to watch Eternal Sunshine for a second time while waiting for my three hour layover at another airport. Otherwise uneventful on the way back home. The worst part was just having to leave. New York City is absolutely perfect. It's urban, it's busy, it's mouthy... it's alive. Seeing a downtown area packed at four AM during the week showed how a city should be. Businesses everywhere, with apartments built on top of them. If it weren't so expensive year-round, and cold during the winter, I'd be all about moving there tomorrow. Even with those two negatives, it's an attractive idea. Experiencing New York like I lived there was far superior than acting like a tourist, even if I could have used the pictures to spice up this blog entry. Not pictures of myself, of course, but pictures of El Del... and of course, the crazy fucker with the helium.

Hopefully I can figure out a way to sucker our "work" into shipping us to New York together again, and this time for a few days rather than one and a half. I don't normally take flight offers to further PeeJ projects (I've turned down flights to Texas, Florida, California and New York in the past, preferring to pass off "work" to either people in the area of the project, or other contributors) but this time was an exception, and a very memorable exception at that. Perhaps one day they'll find a way to slam Oregon's weather into a state filled with New YOrk City honesty. Such a combination would be heaven on earth.

Nah, fuck that, it'd be way better than a heaven.

December/2004: PeeJ emails - I've done this intro before, our email runs 100 positive to every negative... however, the negative emails are too damn stupid and entertaining not to post along with my typically smarmy response. In that vein, here is goofy email sent to me #239.



Of course, my typical asshole reply.



Now I am off to go violate some more human rights in my own special unconstitutional way. Me, you should fear, for I am akin to Sudanese warlord.

December/2004: Site followup - As I do at least once a day, I hit up my stat-tracker to see who was linking to me. I do this out of simple curiousity, knowing that once in a while you can find a few decent gems.

First, let me bring you up to date. Click the following link and read the update at the top about Robert Crockett: Take a stroll down memory lane.

Yep, that Robert Crockett. Mr. "I hate Jews because they sell child porn but the white man should be able to fuck twelve year olds" Robert Crockett. Why would I dredge up a guy as stupid and worthless as Crockett so many months later? Well, unlike most of my entries, I have very good reason. Recently a crappy site called the Vanguard News Network (GET IT? THEY'RE THE VANGUARD OF THE WHITE MAN! LOLZ) broke out in super-flamage about that very fucking update. Yes, that's amusing. Very. But it only gets better.

As most of you know, Perverted-Justice.com has a great track record of getting worthless wannabe pedophile fucks of all colors fired from their jobs. We're quite good at it. But now... yes, AngryGerman.com shares in the fun, as I have gotten my first person fired! And it was Robert f'n Crockett! Apparently, this loony idiot wasn't supposed to spout off pedophiliac bullshit on "White Revolution." And he really wasn't supposed to email me shilling his pedophiliac bullshit. So the site owner axed his shit and kicked him off the site, axing his columnist job.

The Vanguard News Network has a thread talking about it, with Crockett and the "White Revolution" site owner flaming each other about it. You know how most flame sessions are entertaining? Well, when you take southern half-educated racists, they become even more hilarious.

Because I'm such an asshole, I'm going to quote most of the good verbiage and mock it. It's just that fucking funny. If you want to read the thread as it looks like, visit: This link. However, there is also concurrent discussion of some guy named Glenn Miller who is rolling over like the WHITECREMENT he is to the feds. Ooo, damn that Glenn Miller! His music sucks too! To set this up, Crockett starts smack-talking White Revolution members in the thread. Then some guy who is obviously a "big squirrel" in White Revolution chips in with the following post. His name is Ben Vinyard.

(DISCLAIMER: NONE of the text in the grey boxes is authored by myself. I'm the guy in the white boxes mocking it. Nothing in this update should be construed as my being racist. I hate racists just as much as any other logical person. But I must admit that I do find them hilarious at the same time, as delusions can entertain.)

Ben Vinyard, name-dropping my website and why he fired Crockett:

Even when I'm not trying, I'm outing wannabe pedophiles! Holy shit, was I born for this or what? And excuse me, but LOLZER! at the fact that Crockett's wife was taken "downtown" to chinatown, if you get my drift. I bet they enjoy making a "bridge over the river kwai" each and every night. That's so damn hilarious. I got that schmuck fired. I love it.

Another White Revolution member dumping on that idiot Crockett:

Fourteen? Damn, racists just can't read. He wants thirteen year olds, obviously.

Robert Crockett can't help but get flame-school in session:

OH SNAP! Sistah, it's on now! I like the usage of Hitler in a judeo-christian sense. I could so see this argument on a Christian board, but replace Hitler with Jesus. "Are you saying Jesus also believed in _________?" Molestation is only molestation when people adopt the Jewish line? So only the Jews are against child molestation? Damn, just another reason to love the Jewish. Viva Israel! Viva anti-molestation people!

Crockett posts in response to the other WR supporter...

GIRLFRIEND! Talk to the hand!

Vinyard comes back with a quality flame-response, while not technically responding to Crockett:

I have to give Vinyard credit, he obviously is well-schooled in the art of flaming. That's the exact same response I would have had. Well, he maybe a worthless racist fuck, but at least Vinyard has some wit.

Crockett fires back at Vinyards original post which linked to my site...

SQUIRREL SOCIETY! TRYING TO PLEASE THE JEWS! OH NO!


Say it ain't so, Rocky! Say it ain't so!

Oh, it be so. What a line that is. Those fucking squirrels, I bet they only dig up nuts to help feed the EVIL JEW OH NOS. I do find Crockett's whiny "You fired me" whinings to be pretty fun though. I agree, he should have at least had a hearing over his writings. It should have gone like this...

Vinyard: Dude, your writings fucking suck the major ballzor.
Crockett: OH NEINS!
Vinyard: Totally like, I'm going to have to fire you, dude.
Crockett: OH NEINS!
Vinyard: Uh... dude, are you totally checking out my young daughter?
Crockett: OH NEINS!

Even if nobody else laughed at the above, I at least got a good three minutes of straight up tearful laughter at it. I guarantee it would have gone that way. I... G...U...A...R...NTEE IT! That's how "non-secret squirrel" meetings all go.

Some other guy finds the insanity too much to deal with (quoting Crockett's post):


Back to Crockett's insanity, responding to Vinyard's excellent 13 year old girls line:


Crockett, loving that double post, in response to "some other guy":

What a verb blacksmith this guy is.

Vinyard again, but he condenses two posts into one. Yay!

No squirrel meeting? I'm damn disappointed. I was having all sorts of visual fun imagining how that would go. Would they all go forage for walnuts while discussing major site issues? The idea is pretty funny.

Crockett, responding in three posts to Vinyard's one post:

See? He's just struggling against political correctness! And Vinyard is a LIAR! LIAR LIAR OMGZOR LIAR! OH NOS! LIAR! LIAR! A LIAR! LIAR!

Fuck, you can't write comedy like this.

Vinyard shills me again!

That's pure ownage. Really, it is.

Crockett, failing as usual to make a coherent point:

To this, I'm sure Madame Gonk and Master Bedroom could only say: Dear Lord!

Crockett AGAIN cannot master a message board:

It's not a society anymore, it's a committee of Squirrels! Boy, does Crockett seem pissed at his firing or what?

Crockett goes on to admit that he wore Blue Boots once and got laughed at. I have no idea what the symbolism is of that, but it is humorous.

Crockett, talking about me and my update that got him fired:

What victory? Was he going to challenge me to a racist on a pole match? I'll meet you Crockett, down at the Sportatorium... and this time, it's personal!

/Lame wrestling promo.

This guy is so insane that he makes the other idiot racists seem logical.

Vinyard, showing why I posted the above sentence:

Ha!

Crockett gets pissed:


Then Vinyard and his buddy pull the oldest flaming trick in the book, discussing Crockett as though he's not there:


Same guy, responding to the squirrel meeting comments

Butt hurt? Haha. That's right, even fucking with PeeJ by proxy of AngryGerman.com will piss people off at you. Gold. Pure gold.

Crockett with the LOLZOR again, responding to the "grass on the green" burn:

The little squirrels and their fucking nuts. Holding down Crockett by lovin' those Jewish. Damn jewing jewish squirrel!

There's about five more pages of this, and all of it is hilarious. Use the link at the top of the post if you want to see these idiots continue to flame each other back and forth. I must now use this space to talk about how proud I am to have gotten that mental defective kicked out of that organization. I didn't even try to, and I caused a schism in a racist organization. Because of this site! My little eighty hits a day personal blogger! Hell, the flame war my little entry started on VNN is longer than any thread in my blogger feedback area.

All of this just proves the first three paragraphs in the update that kicked all this off: Give the racists the platform they seek, and you will find that nobody will take them seriously anymore. Throwing chairs at Geraldo? That's LOLZOR. Nobody takes "LOLZOR" seriously. Flaming each other about "squirrel societies" and "Jewish squirrel conspiracies" is also, even more, LOLZOR. I wish that thread were a TV show. Imagine Vinyard and Crockett going back and forth, with the buddy of Vinyard tossing in a few gold flame-bait lines. I'd watch it. So would you, if there were nothing good on Comedy Central, I bet. If you get bored, start on page 84 of that thread and read up. It's high comedy and a great illustration of why you never take toothless southern racists seriously. There's a lot of gold stuff I didn't post, like when they team up to make fun of Crockett for not fighting black people at the Waffle House, which is so movie-stereotypical that I have to chuckle.

Imagine if you went back in time to tell Hitler that his legacy would be nothing more than toothless Southern Americans getting their asses kicked by black people at muthafuckin' Waffle Houses.


You got your bitch ass kicked... at the muthafuckin' Waffle House!

Methinks he might tear up a bit.

Congratulations to my blogger! Who knew posting about pez and racists could cause drama and schism in some fuckshit racist organization. Now that's fun.

December/2004: Society - So I'm talking to Fat DJ of The Pop Cult, whom most of you know from Monticello. He, loving to get my blood pressure up, linked me to a thread on ABrokenCrate.com where the owner copied and pasted text from a livejournal for people to comment upon. Basically, the girl was raped. No, not your movie-stereotyped "brutal rape in an alley", but she was raped. And as many rape victims do, she blames herself and her choices. This isn't an altogether unique or by itself, interesting situation. It's sadly commonplace, especially on American college campuses. There's nothing new with that. As callous as that may sound, I just cannot be shocked by such tales anymore, for they are too numerous.

I think the interesting portion comes in the responses to the Livejournal entry, where the old song and dance comes into play. You probably know the one, it's that little ditty where because the male's member is engourged, it's morally "okay" for him to push ahead, past protestation. I'm getting ahead of myself. First, for the entry, which was obviously poorly written in a state of confusion.


The girl was raped. Was what she did stupid? Sure. However, philosophically, we should all be able to agree that what we choose to do with our own body is our choice. If she doesn't want to be penetrated without a condom, no matter the state of undress or arousal, that's her choice. Was she stupid for having a fuck buddy to begin with? Sure. Was she dumb for feeling "desperate" simply due to inane arousal?

Sure. Yet imagine... you're hungry. You go to a restaurant. You tell the chef you're hungry. He looks at you with lusting eyes and asks you what you want. You say you want Apple Pie with no ice cream. He comes back with apple pie... but with ice cream. You say "no, no apple pie with ice cream, I want without." He talks smoothly, tells you to move the ice cream to the side... you cut off a piece of apple pie... and all of a sudden he shoves ice cream in your mouth. No person on this planet sides with the chef. Sure, he went to all the work on the meal... sure, most people want ice cream with their apple pie. You can't force that on someone. You'd spit it out, slug the chef in his teeth, and leave.

Once the woman says no, it's no. Doesn't matter how aroused the male is. You'd think that in this modern age, we'd get such simple and just principles straight. It's pretty easy. We all know the slogan, "no means no."

Yet on the internet, you can see the true mind of the modern male poured out on paper. And the responses to this scenario are interesting, not because of the scenario, but the lengths men go to justify such behavior. These guys aren't monsters, in fact a couple of them put on "Nice" facades. They act like normal people. But once you peel back the thin layer of offline platitudes and allow people to voice their whole hog opinion online, you see that these fairly normal males are indicative of this gender. No empathy for women, no respect for females. The worst part is, the minds of males have so poisoned society that even a female throws in, defending our unnamed assailant. Nothing illustrates better than a copy and paste.

Female forum poster there:

Female forum poster there:

Male forum poster there:

Male forum poster there:

Male forum poster there:

Male forum poster there:

Male forum poster there:

Are males disgusting? Yep. Are the female responses disgusting? Likewise, yep.

Here is the situation as any reasonable person sees it. Female calls over guy (that's stupid) for random sex (that's stupid) and then they get naked together (that's stupid) and then they start fooling around (that's stupid) until the point where she realizes that he didn't bring a condom (that's stupid) and then say's "no" (that's smart) leading to the guy doing what he wants and forcing himself upon her (that's rape). There is no justification. The fact that she wanted him pre-condom is not justification. The fact that he is turned on, likewise, not justification. The "points" made by these people show no grasp of nuance or psychological awareness of rape victims.

For example, the criticism of her posting the account on a livejournal? Makes complete sense. What's this woman going to do? Go run and tell her friends, who may react just as ignorantly as strangers on a strange message board? The blanket of anonymity is often very helpful for rape victims, hence the popularity of rape counseling phone lines. It is no easy feat for a female to stand up against such things, and reaching out in such an anonymous medium isn't condemnable, it's actually quite predictable.

The idea that because a female wants sex with condoms automatically means she should be forced without is stupid. Additionally, the idea that because she was conflicted about it means he gets a free pass on forced penetration is again hogwash. This person is obviously a troubled individual to be doing the things she's doing (fuckbuddyism is the surest sign of mental issues) as it is... but to use that to excuse forced penetration? Incorrect. It's akin to certain police departments refusing to prosecute males for soliciting willing female underage personas on the basis that the "little girl wanted it." It's simply invalid. It shows a lack of understanding in how females tick, and a lack of sensitivity. It's really unfortunate to see females toss their brains out the window and condemn the female, but not altogether unexpected due to the nature of females being so very catty.

The whole "She's a tease" opinion is really grating. That's the same opinion, when taken two steps further, that justifies the rape of women based on how they dress. "She wore that skirt? Oh my gosh, what a whore of babylon, what did she expect to happen?" How many females in yesteryear spoke those very words about other abused females? The process of rape is dehumanizing enough, but then to say, as a onlooker of sorts... that the person is a "tease" and not a human who is worthy of having their will obeyed regarding their body is absolutely bone-chillingly sickening. A stripper is a "tease" of sorts, yet few would... or would they? Would they condone the rape of a stripper for taking her clothes off and gyrating on a male lap? It's sad that I even have to ask that question, sadder still that the answer lies in doubt.

The opinions quoted here aren't of monsters. This isn't a board that often turns "rape" into a joke. These aren't sex offenders. They're modern males, and some females influenced by them. Not terribly unlike the males you would meet in a bar, drinking, being "normal." The most important lesson to learn from this is very simple... you're better off a lesbian. And if you can't justify that, then you're better off being as choosy as possible lest you end up with someone like the above quoted. Do you think such people and their lack of compassion will treat you well? Likely no. Opinions like the such expressed above are people who subtlely, hate females. Think of them as lessers. As objects to be exploited. Sure, it's not the most aggressive or disgusting description of a rape... I'll agree with that all day long. However, it's still a rape. It's still disgusting.

Often in life people will speak of shades of grey when it comes to morals. In some circumstances, there are other things to consider. However, when you start buying into the whole "shades of grey" argument and moral relativism, you begin walking on a road that leads to opinions like I've quoted above. Where everything turns into a muddle of grey, and morals are then dictated on the whims of libido. I don't think the people excusing rape should be hung or made pariahs, no... but the appeal is simple. If you want the true character of a male (or female), find these shades of grey and find ways to ascertain the true opinion of the target on such issues. If someone sags on something such as this, then they will sag on much... much... much more. Do you think that the person who can excuse rape won't find an excuse for treating you poorly? If so, then you're as naive as the people whose opinion I've quoted.

It's the same old song and dance of days gone by, rearing it's head again. Before, the condemnation was borne out of religion. How females should "properly act to be good Christian women." And if they didn't? Well, that's their fault. Now? We live in even a worse world, where no longer is it religion driving such stupidity but the opinions of a society so cluttered with sex-obsessives that now, denying such advances in a compromised position is seen as just as much the females fault as Sally Homemaker back in the forties when describing Judy Shortdress getting raped in an alley. We have come so far away from the dusty book dictated morals... and yet so little is different. At base, man is man and man is stupid. Whether the reason be religious fervor or sex obsessiveness, the conclusions never change. Same old song and dance, just a different beat guiding the steps.

In this world, the female is always at fault. Even when she says no and fights off the advances.

Amazing, how far we have not come.

December/2004: Comics - Yeah, Batman is pissing me off. A lot. Growing up, I read a ton of comics. Only a couple Batman stories. Here is Batman, beating up gang members and thugs. Great, I liked Batman. He was good. He beat up bad guys and took them before the justice system. What a great guy, this Batman.

That's me at ten. I loved comics. Had I known what the future would portend in the way of the internet, I would have been very happy and impatient awaiting the day I turned twenty-five... knowing that comics would now become very accessible due to the internet. Problem is, at ten then, I would have known not to enjoy those Batman comics. Not to enjoy them at all.

For those unaware, Batman is Bruce Wayne, Gotham City's great defender and master detective. When he was young, his parents were gunned down before his eyes and he inherited their cash. He turned himself into a master crime-fighting and solving machine. He's a hard-bitten character, not easily given to emotional outbursts or emotions of any kind. He invents great crime-fighting weapons. If you ignore the Robin thing (which most comic fanboys do), he's pretty cool... on the surface.

For once you begin to dig deep into Batman's continuity and character, you find that he's actually pretty much a loser. A total loser. He pisses me off. In fact, at this point, he makes me a bit more angry than any other comic character has in my entire life. Yep, even when I was twelve and got mad at the suckiness of Quasar.

Comic history lesson: Spider-Man is, as we know, Peter Parker, mild-mannered HS/College student. He fights colorful characters with wit aplomb, wisecracking all the way. During the early run, he had a flame named Gwen Stacy. Green Goblin kidnaps her, throws her off a bridge, Spidey shoots his webbing... but Gwen dies of a broken neck from the jolt of the sudden stop. Spidey freaks out, and beats the fucking shit out of the Goblin, who ends up impaling himself on his own glider when he tries to get away.

That's realistic. Spidey is pissed at the loss of his love. He beats the fuck out of Osbourne. It makes sense.

Batman is ten times grittier than Spider-Man. His rogues gallery (A term for a hero's combined supervillain enemies) kills many more people than Spidey's rogues gallery. Compare say, The Shocker to Killer Croc? Yep, Batman is ten times grittier. He doesn't have a supermodel wife. He has a butler. And a cave. And he has a dark costume with which he prowls at night against killers aplenty.

Batman has a gritter attitude. He's tougher than Spidey. Sure, he doesn't have Spidey's super-strength, but Batman takes a licking and keeps on ticking better than Timex. The guy is tough. Mentally tough. And he's not as emotional as Spidey. He's a very logical character (If you ignore the Robin thing, as all comic fanboys do) who is absolutely brilliant.

For a putz.

I recently read (finally) the classic TPB "A Death in the Family." It deals with the murder of the second Robin, Jason Todd. Jason Todd was a two-bit punk who took his parents death too fucking emotional. Batman suspends him from Robin work, he runs off like a baby, Batman ponders, Robin finds that his mother is still alive, since he was given up and lied about who his true mother is, and then by insane coincidence, Batman and Robin both end up in fucking Lebanon. Robin is there to find one of three potentials for his mother, an Israeli Mossad agent. Batman is there to stop the Joker from selling a cruise missle (which is also armed with a nuke, but Joker doesn't know that... he thinks it's just a cruise missle he stole) to dirty arab terrorists. They meet up on the street in Beirut, and work together to take down the Joker.

The Mossad agent isn't the mother. Then they try another possibility, another woman in Lebanon. Yep, not her either. So they go to Ethiopia (!!!) where the Joker has also fled. The Joker went there to steal donated medicines and drugs on the black market. The volunteer-nurse is the third potential, a woman whom Joker knew from Gotham City. See, she's a volunteer doctor and paid well. But she used to perform back-alley abortions. Joker uses this fact to blackmail her into giving him truckloads of donated drugs and medicines.

Just then, COINKYDINK, Batman and Jason Todd (robin) show up. It IS his mother. They're overjoyed. But she's kidnapped by the Joker! Batman goes off to stop some crime (after waxing poetic about starving people) leaving Jason alone. He instructs Todd to not try to rescue his mother (???) but to wait for him to return. Jason Todd goes to try to rescue his mother. He does so! But his mother turns out to be an evil bitch, and serves up her son to the Joker.

Then she laughs while the Joker's goons knock Jason out. And then laughs as Joker beats Jason to a bloody pulp with a crowbar, over... and over... and over... until his white gloves turn red, chuckling gleefully over doing it. Of course, he double-crosses the mother, leaving her there with a bomb set up to kill the twosome. Jason barely gets up, half alive, and tries to save his mother again... but they die as the door was left locked by Joker. Just then, Batman arrives on the scene to find a dying woman, Jason's mother. She recounts how Jason tried to save her, but she wasn't worthy of him, and how Jason tried to even shield her from the blast, fingering Joker as the assailant. She conveniently leaves out the fact that she is the cause of this happening and the crowbar beating she sat around and laughed at. Truly one of the most evil bitches of all-time in comics.

He then finds Robin's dead body, and freaks out.

Well, the Iranians summon the Joker and make him their diplomat at the United Nations, located in Gotham. He has diplomatic immunity for all crimes in the US. The president assigns Superman to protect Joker from Batman. Joker plans to kill the entire UN (Nice!) and is foiled by Superman inhaling all his poison gas. Batman has Joker dead to rights. He can kill the Joker... he knows Joker will just escape Arkham (Supervillain jail) again. He knows he will kill again. He killed the ward he was responsible for.

He doesn't... kill... the... Joker.

Then I read "The Killing Joke", a story by Alan Moore. In the Killing Joke, Joker escapes from Arkham (AGAIN!) and decides to prove that he's sane and everyone else is insane by driving Commissioner Gordon insane through despicable acts. First, he buys an amusement park. Then he shows up and shoots Barbara Gordon (Commissioners daughter, aka Batgirl) in the spine, paralyzing her, while his thugs kidnap Commissioner Gordon. After Gordon is taken away, he strips Barbara down to nothing and takes photographs of her shot and waist-paralyzed naked body in various obscene poses. He takes the Commish back to his amusement park.

Bruce Wayne visits Barbara in the hospital and is told by her what happened, including the aftermath. He is very pissed. This is Batgirl, even if the Joker doesn't know that.

At the amusement park, he strips the Commish to nothing and tortures him with ghouls and torture devices. Then he shows the Commissioner the naked pictures of his shot and abused daughter. Gordon flips out. Batman arrives (Invited by Joker himself) and rescues Gordon. GORDON THE FUCKING IDIOT HE IS... instructs Batman to bring him in alive, to serve justice for his crimes... THIS IS AFTER JOKER ESCAPED ARKHAM ALREADY SENTENCED TO LIFE!

So what does Batman do? He finds Joker. Joker shares his motivation. Batman says he has proven Joker wrong, and that Gordon isn't insane and that Joker is the only one with a real problem. Joker then tells Batman a joke and they both share a hearty laugh.

Nope, I didn't make that ending up.

To top it off, I read the second issue of the Batman/Punisher crossover. Batman fights Jigsaw, Punisher fights Joker, blah blah blah. Batman hates Punisher. Punisher kills criminals. Batman doesn't. End of story? Punisher has Joker dead to rights. He's got the muzzle against his head. Joker taunts Punisher about not being able to kill him, thinking that he is no different from Batman (Ha, now that's a funny one. Castle's the man). Joker openly mocks the inability of Batman and the Justice system from killing him again. Batman hears all this. And attacks the Punisher, saving the homicidal lunatic.

Punisher basically says "fuck this, you're an idiot, keep your shitty town" and leaves.

Then there's another story where Joker FINALLY fucking gets the death penalty. FINALLY. He's going to die. But guess what? The crime he's been convicted of? He didn't do. Sure, he killed a couple hundred others, all those other heinous things I mentioned... even Commissioner Gordon, the idiot he is, doesn't care. But what does Batman do? Work to prove Joker's innocence and then gets him tossed off Death Row, back to Arkham, where he knows Joker will easily escape again.

Fuck Batman.

If his original crimes weren't enough, and paralyzing Batgirl and then sexually abusing her helpless state isn't enough to kill the fucker, and his brutal beatdown of Robin with a crowbar before killing him with a bomb isn't enough... then what could be enough? Batman is a pussy. A stinking, stinking pussy. You have a man, clearly unrepentent. Found guilty each and every time. The most heinous acts possible. And Batman allows him to live to re-offend, over and over again. That is retarded. I cannot cheer for a superhero who is so stupid.

Even pansy Peter Parker wouldn't allow that shit. Batman doesn't even PHYSICALLY ABUSE Joker after each time. Literally, in The Killing Joke, he shares a larf with the fucker. Parker would have at least cracked his skull. Batman laughs. How can you root for a guy like that? You can't. He's as bad, if not worse, than the criminals and villains he fights. The guy is responsible for thousands of deaths through his own inability to take decisive action to halt crime.

Now, this is after reading only a handful of major Batman stories. I haven't even started on the complete run of Detective Comics, where I'm sure Batman is scripted to do even more illogical and dangerous-to-the-public-safety shit left and right. What's next? Killer Croc has sex with Batman's mother's corpse and Bruce ends up playing gin rummy with Croc? Will Poison Ivy rape Alfred with a brick before Batman apprehends her and drools at her breasts, rather than end the danger to the community?

Fuck Batman, fuck Commissioner Gordon, fuck Arkham. Batman's a pansy, overrated to the core, and in the end is nothing more than a hapless pollyanna villain. He makes Quasar seem like a rootable superhero. Quasar. Lame-ass power-bracelet bitchass Quasar.

The fact that Batman treats the common criminal with MORE force than his greatest arch-nemesis, a literal butcher, is disgusting. it's morally foul. It offends the senses. If he finds a crack dealer, the crack dealer receives equal treatment by Batman as the sidekick killing asshole. Even Captain America, the big blue moralist, tried to kill Baron Zemo for Bucky's death. And that was not nearly as brutal, just an explosion. But Batman can't kill Joker?

I was right to not read DC as a kid. So, very, right.