Moammar and Me

April/2004: TV Pitch - As the "King of All Hits", I know that there are at least 5 TV executives that read this site out of my 100 visitors a day. Why do I know this? Law of averages. After all, 5% of the nation has the job of TV Executive, right? Sure.

So for you five TV executives, I have a pitch. Everyone else, feel free to stop reading... wait... now.

Currently, American television is missing out on it's next huge star. And by huge, I mean "George Clooney on ER" huge except that this guy would be smart enough not to star in anything Joel Schumacher directs. Basically, he is the "next big thing" if anyone is like me, and is brilliant.

Moammar Ghadafi should be televisions next big superstar.

And Gaddafi knows it.

Now, I know you five are TV executives, so I will have to explain who Moammar is. Colonel Moammar Ghadafi (more spellings here) is currently the kinda-dictator of Libya. You will recognize the country "Libya" from such classics as "Pan-am 103 blown up by Libya", "Ronald Reagan blows up Libya" and of course, my favorite, "Libya says 'hey, we down' and turns in chemical weapons."

Moammar has been in charge of Libya since 1969 when he came to power in a bloodless coup. Since then, he has commanded Libya to be one of the most unique nation-states in the world due to it's leader, who changes his stripes every decade or so. In fact, his changes have mirrored American cultural changes. Don't believe me? Observe!

1970's - Moammar is a laid back socialist-spewing Palestinian-concerned leader. Writes a book. The dictator equivalent of Disco.
1980's - Moammar changes his game, going completely hair rock by funding terrorist groups as diverse as the IRA to as common as Arab extremists. That's right, very Guns'N'Roses.
1990's - Moammar gets grunge as he sullenly withdraws from the terrorist scene, and bitches at the nations around him.
2000-2004 - Reinventing himself again, Moammar comes out swinging against Al Qaeda, the Arab world, the Taliban, his own stockpile of chemical weapons and decides to hug the western world after seeing Saddam get pulled out of a small hole.

People talk about Madonna changing it up, nobody beats Moammar for on-the-ball trendiness. Then again, one thing that doesn't change is Moammar's fashion sense. Quite frankly, no dictator has ever dressed as well as Gaddafi. The proof is in the pictures.





I could show picture after picture of Gaddafi's bad-ass sense of style. The man knows "how to hat" and probably doesn't even give a shit if he's wearing a girl-hat. Plus, his robes make even robe-experts like Ric Flair jealous. Nobody beats Gaddafi for strange and great looking clothes. Why he hasn't gone into fashion is beyond me. Do you think Versace would be able to get in his way (if Versace is still alive, no clue here) if Gaddafi wanted to win a fashion award? No.

And when Gaddafi travels? He does it in style. One controversial South African visit had the self-dubbed "Golden Leader" arrive in not one, but two boeing 707's. With six million in cash on hand to spend. With sixty armor plated cars. And 27 top-of-the-line assault rifles. And a ship that arrived with a couple thousand pounds of goat carcasses. With buses. And of course, one tent (Gaddafi always travels with one tent, and pitched it in the presidential compound in Egypt). The South African authorites were not pleased, but that's the star-power of Moammar. The crowds loved him and his trip was a huge success.

Dictator, trendy, fashion-conscious. The man is already a star, he just needs to be on TV. But these attributes are not why I suggest Gaddafi be the newest reality TV star. No, as we know that TV is a visual medium, clothes don't get people talking. What people say gets people talking. Quite frankly, if you're looking for water-cooler buzzworthy soundbites, get the Moammar.

Gaddafi has made a career out of saying the thing you would least suspect at the moment you would least suspect it. First, he breaks the mold of what an Arab dictator should say on every level. One of the major tenets of Islam is the subserviance of women. Moammar scoffs in the face of that. Why? Because Gaddafi is a feminist.

Gaddafi on Females:
-Gaddafi's personal bodyguards are all gun-toting special forces FEMALES. This always causes problems when he visits other Arab nation-states, but Gaddafi has choice words for them about such things, telling them to, in essence, screw off. And when Gaddafi is threatened? They rush in, evidenced by clashes with Egyptian Security Services when Crown Prince Abdullah threatened Gaddafi over his use of females in such a service.

Think it's BS? Check out one of Gaddafi's specially trained females:

Challenging Arab sexism

-Gaddafi is quoted as saying many times, that women are "better than men and more capable."
-Out of all the Mideast and African nations, only Israel has a better record of rights for women than Libya.
-He has led the fight against female genital mutilation in Africa.

However, Gaddafi's breaks with Arab culture do not come simply in the form of respect for females. Gaddafi turned his secret service against militant islamists before 9/11. Why? Because Gaddafi has been a target of Al Qaeda for longer than most people realize. He has led the fight against Al Qaeda in Libya, as Al Qaeda has attempted assassinations of Gaddafi as early as 1995, and most spectacularly in 1998. In response, Gaddafi went on the warpath against militant Islam long before we were roused from our slumber on 9/11. He has consistently warned against militant Islam while no one was listening.

Gaddafi breaks with modern Arabs:
-"Libya has for too long endured the Arabs, for whom we have paid blood and money."
-Gaddafi called for Israel to be included in the Arab league.
-Gaddafi called for the Israeli-Palestinian quesiton to be solved by a new joint state: "Israetine." If that isn't entertainment, what is?
-Gaddafi, while being against Israel in speech, has recognized the right of a Jewish homeland. His disagreement is on location, saying that there should be one in France.
-After a rebuke from Gaddafi, international hypocrite Abdullah from Saudi Arabia went on this rant:

"Your Excellency president [Gaddafi]; your comments are rejected. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is a Muslim country. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and its people are not a slave of colonialism like yourself and others. Who brought you to power? Who brought people like yourselves to power? Tell us the truth, who brought you to power? Do not talk about things which have nothing to do with you. Lies precede you and the grave is ahead of you."

-Speaking of Al Qaeda, he describes them as a "crazy and insensible people."
-Gaddafi spoke out against the growing movement of Wahhabism in Saudi Arabia, and suggested it be held accountable for the actions of Al Qaeda... an extreme position that even America doesn't take in the war against terror.
-Gaddafi held a joint press conference with the Prime Minister of Turkey that almost ended in the PM's recall from Turkish politics. Strongly supporting the Kurds and noting that Turkey and most Arabs are hypocrites over the Palestinian issue when they oppress the Kurds, Gaddafi stepped up and called for a Kurdish homeland while standing within five feet of the Turkish PM. Turkey went absolutely nuts and Gaddafi smiled, knowing that once again, the Mideast Maverick had outfoxed the dull-witted Arab leaders.

Has Moammar done some dumb things during his life? Sure. Should he support Israel, the only other Mideast state that respects the role of women in society? Yes. But is Moammar a bad guy? I would say no. His "human rights abuses" have come largely against the terrorist groups Al Qaeda have set-up in Libya and his terrorist acts are over 16 years gone by. Gaddafi is a statesman, but more than that, he is an entertainer.

On the world scene, no leader is half as entertaining as Moammar. You can see it by his eccentricies, the man is a first-rate character. He would be perfect for US Television in a type of show akin to "I'm with Busey." The problem with "I'm with Busey" is that really, who gives a fuck about Gary Busey? He's an old cracked out idiot. A replacement in "Moammar and Me" would be far better. Consider these ideas for shows...

Half of the series is Moammar teaching me about Libyan life. Including:

-A tour of his female special forces, their training and shared laughter at moron Arab countries that reject the abilities of females.
-Some one-on-one teachings from his Green Book.
-Of course, his cool-as-hell tent.
-And of course, Moammar shows me how to get down with Gaddafi Fashion.

Of course, all would feature some American sarcasm and Gaddafi verbosity.

Then, the other half is myself teaching Moammar about western culture. Since he just completed an extensive rapproachment with the West, it's time to get Gaddafi up-to-date on how we run things on the West Side.

-Gaddafi discovers the X-Box.
-Bowling with Moammar.
-MTV with Moammar.
-Moammar and I play a game of Risk.

Among other adventures that myself and the Libyan dictator undertake. Screw the boring Busey, Moammar would set Comedy Central, Spike TV or FX on fire with his unique personality, flair, and sublime sense of humor. Of course, the real key to success is having someone as the opposite who understands Gaddafi-Style and why it is simply so damn cool. The only challenge would be to make sure that you don't anger him to the point of his throwing you in prison, but hey, "New Gaddafi" doesn't do that anymore.

Culture clash on an extreme level, eight episodes of "Moammar and Me" would be fairly cheap to produce, as I am sure the man with the armored caravan would jump at the chance to co-produce and split costs. And hey, with my pay requirement being low, you have a series in the can for less than a few hundred thousand dollars.

Moammar and Me. Make it a reality.